Dating in 2018 is difficult.
In fact, in this modern technological age, dating is becoming progressively harder.
- An apparent surfeit of potential candidates from the vast range of dating apps and websites.
- Unrealistic expectations, especially in this age of Instagram etc.
- People are not settling down until later in life – job insecurity, high rents etc.
We hereby present you with a step-by-step guide to help you overcome these difficulties mentioned by Hayley Quinn.
This provides you with the tools you need – using your own mindset as well as the environment (Feng Shui Love).
What is Feng Shui?
Feng Shui is the Chinese environment management system. It comprises of a series of rules that people can use to manage their environment for their own benefit. Feng Shui is about energy in the environment.
I use the rules to improve people’s well-being – and in this case, to help them find love and build their relationships.
In order to achieve success in any area of your life, you need not only to put the effort in, but also to be in harmony with your environment (i.e. the space that you live in).
Feng Shui provides you with the tools to get the environment to work with you.
This guide is designed to help you solve this problem. It contains a series of steps which combine this ancient wisdom with modern thinking for use in the present day. It involves developing both your mindset and the environment. When followed properly, you will see definite positive changes in your love life.
- Who do you want? What are your goals?
- Prepare for the future by clearing out the past
- Enhancing the love energies in the home
- The bedroom – the most important room in the home
- The bed you want to share
- Feng Shui love formula – Peach Blossom
- Mindset determines outcome
- Putting it together
Chapter 1. Who do you want? What are your goals?
This chapter provides you with some guidelines to help you make your choice.
Dating apps are by far the most popular way of meeting people today. Approximately 80% of people in London use this when looking for dates.
This method has a number of characteristics:
It creates an illusion of a vast choice. It also increases self-belief of high expectation. As a result, people do not show a commitment to dating; for example, they might not show up for a date or reply to initial requests, as there is an apparent abundance of potential partners for them. This can certainly be dispiriting when you are at the receiving end of such behaviour.
In the age of Instagram, certain physical attributes are in high demand. But in reality, are these attributes relevant for a stable, long-term relationship?
Certain demographics of people find themselves at a disadvantage with dating apps. Hence, there are other dating apps for specific groups, such as Jews, Christians, LGBT, over 50s, etc.
Adulting – people are taking far longer to settle down as adults in 2018. The reasons for this include the increasing cost of living, soaring rents, and fewer people managing to set foot on the property ladder. For people these days in terms of dating, 31 is the new 21. Fewer people are looking for serious relationships and instead are maintaining their single status for much longer.
All of these factors make dating more difficult in this modern age.
London’s top dating expert Hayley Quinn has suggested that the traditional ways of meeting people, such as “Hobbies and Interests” and “In Real Life”, should still be considered. You will get to know a person much better through a face-to-face meeting, which is vastly different from a two-dimensional selection process and on-screen encounter.
Look for attributes that will complement your own personality. For example, if you are a creative person, look for an analytical person. An extrovert should seek an introverted person. Just concentrate on the positives; the Universe does not understand negatives.
To construct an affirmation using myself as an example:
“I, Michael, have a beautiful, outgoing, passionate, nature-loving, caring and loyal wife.”
The affirmation shouldn’t be too long, but should be completely specific. It should describe in great detail the person you want. You can repeat the affirmation 10 to 20 times a day. It is especially important first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I will describe a “secret” later in the guide, which enhances this affirmation.
Once you know what you want, you can recognise it immediately when it appears.
Chapter 2. Prepare for the future by clearing out the past
This chapter is about clearing out the past, especially the negative energies from both the home and the mind. This is based on my experience and training. It is essential as a way of laying the foundations of the project, very much like laying the foundations before building a home.
Clearing out the negative memories from the home and the person
All spaces have energy. Energy has memory. When you go into an old building, you can feel the energy of the past – it could be sad or joyful.
Old memories, especially negative memories, can bring sadness to the people in the building. They are in the past and there is nothing you can do about the past. The most effective strategy is to get rid of this negative energy.
You cannot alter what happened in the past but you can change the future.
Strategy for removing the energies associated with the past:
Clear as much clutter as possible. Remove items associated with previous failed relationships, objects with negative connotations, unnecessary books, magazines and newspapers, etc. If you don’t need it, get rid of it.
Clean the home; make sure the entrance is clear and welcoming; open the windows to let new energy come in regularly, even when the weather is cold.
Enhance this positive change with the following space clearing procedure:
Items required: Sea salt, grains of rice, a bell and incense.
- Walk around the walls inside your home, sprinkling the sea salt.
- Using the same route, sprinkle the grains of rice.
- After a break of about one hour, walk around the home ringing the bell twice.
- Finally, walk around the home with the incense (it can be sage sticks or incense ingots), preferably twice.
- Leave it overnight and then vacuum the residue.
You will find that your home feels light and fresh. It is like being in a new home.
There is a great deal on the internet about releasing negative memories.
I have tried various methods and have found Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) to be the most effective. You could attend a talk or have a session with Matt Kendall. This can help to tackle such negative experiences as:
- Being ridiculed by your boss
- Being dominated by your partner
- Breakup of a much-wanted relationship.
It can also be useful in dealing with the fear of an upcoming event, such as public speaking or a job interview.
The main fears in the world of dating are:
- The fear of approaching a person to start a conversation
- The fear of being rejected when asking for a date.
In this method, the therapist is not involved in the nature and details of the problem. The approach is clinical, fast and effective.
Chapter 3. Enhancing the love energies in the home.
This chapter is to enhance the Feng Shui energies that relate to love and fame or recognition.
A. Energising with love energies
One way to activate the “love energies” is by placing crystals in the South-West area of your home. The element for the love sector is Earth; hence the use of crystals. The crystal for love is the pink rose quartz crystal.
You can get rose quartz crystal rocks and hearts from Amazon, for example. Place these crystals in a bowl in the South-West part of your home.
B. Energising the fame energies
The element for the fame sector is Fire. The best way to activate this energy is by switching on a light or having red decorations in the South side of your home. The light could be from a lamp on a red tablecloth, for example.
Although the word ‘fame’ is used, it doesn’t mean that your name will be in lights in London’s West End or New York’s Broadway. It implies recognition or awareness.
C. How to determine the Directional Sector in your home (South and South-West).
i. Using the compass to identify the Fame (South) and the Love (South West) Sectors of your home.
These respective energies are enhanced with suitable objects containing the appropriate elements.
Use a magnetic compass or the compass in your smartphone.
Stand in front of your home and use the compass to find North. With the compass in your hand, face North when the needle of the magnetic compass points North or the digital compass shows 0 or 359 degrees, as shown below.
ii. Using Google Maps or Google Earth (without compass):
a. Go to Google Maps or Google Earth on your computer or smartphone.
b. Put in the address of the home for which you want to determine the compass direction. For this example, I have used Hyde Park Corner as I am interested in Apsley House (the home that belonged to the Dukes of Wellington).
c. How to identify the South and South-West Sectors.
Having identified where North (N) is, draw a line through the centre of the home. The opposite side to North is South. This is the South Sector (S) of the home; the area to the west is the South-West (SW).
Love energy: Place the bowl of rose quartz crystals in the South-West Sector of your home.
Fame energy: Place the lamp in the South Sector of the home, preferably on a red mat or cloth. To start off with, leave the light on for 24 hrs a day and then reduce it, depending how you feel. Do not forget to use the new technology LED bulbs. They are very economical on power usage.
Chapter 4. The bedroom – the most important room in the home
The main purpose of the bedroom is for sleep, sex and to enhance relationships. You spend at least 8 hours a day or about one-third of your life in there.
The work in this chapter is to enhance the love energies to enhance your love life.
a. The focus of the bedroom is for sleep, sex and to enhance relationships. Therefore, you have to create an environment that is conducive to this. Anything else should not be there. The bed is the focus in the bedroom.
This means removing items like computers, tablets, TV, exercise machines, desks, books and work. Your priority is to remove any electrical items.
Other items that disrupt the flow of energy should also be removed, such as water features or aquariums, as well as live plants. Tidy the room and remove anything from underneath the bed. Books and magazines, if kept in the bedroom, should be on shelves and not scattered around the room. This will allow the energy to circulate around the room.
b. Colour: It is best to avoid colours like black or dark grey (too Ying) as well as red and bright pink (too Yang). A pastel shade would be best, as this calms the energy in the room and also makes the room appear bigger.
c. Images: Have positive pictures that reflect your ambition or aims. Avoid negative pictures (such as shipwrecks or broken bridges) and anything to do with previous relationships or an unhappy past. It is a good idea to have framed images of your aspirations with your potential partner – travel, destinations, homes, a happy couple.
Decorations: The theme is romance so keep things in pairs – mandarin ducks, double fish, butterflies or the Chinese double happiness sign. But remember, do not overdo it, as it might end up becoming a showroom instead.
d. Mirrors: In western culture, mirrors are said to improve the “love life” within the bedroom. However, in Feng Shui, mirrors reflect the sleeping body, which can disrupt sleep.
e. The use of smells in the bedroom. A client who has an interest in aromatherapy made this suggestion to me as she had good results with it. Use the same type of smell on the person and the room. For example, use natural oils such as bergamot or lavender. This creates a subconscious link between the person and good times in the room.
f. Make space for someone special – have empty hangers in the wardrobe and create space on the bathroom shelves to show that you are waiting for a partner.
g. Make sure there is privacy in the bedroom. It is your personal space.
h. You can refresh the energy of the bedroom by opening the windows at least once a week (weather permitting, of course).
Chapter 5 – The bed you want to share
The bed is the main focus of the bedroom; distractions are to be minimised. As you are inviting someone into your life, you have to give equal preference to the new person. Hence, there should be equality on either side of the bed.
a. Clear the clutter, especially under the bed, and tidy items in drawers, cupboards or boxes.
b. Have a good solid headboard. The headboard has to be against a solid wall. The wall should have no adjoining windows, nor be adjacent to bathrooms or kitchens, especially the cooking stove.
c. If your bedding (bed sheets and pillow cases) has seen better days, it might be worth replacing it. It is better to get natural fibres as they feel better during the night. A suitable pastel colour is preferable.
d. The bed has to be positioned comfortably in the room. There has to be space on either side so both people can get out of bed easily.
e. Make sure there are enough pillows for two people. Also, use a suitably sized duvet, etc. It is best to use just one duvet, as this can be shared by two people.
f. Add decorations on the bed such as cushions. The theme is romance, so use red colours, heart designs, couples, happy images, etc.
g. Place a rose quartz heart on the side table at either side of the bed. The symbolism is very clear.
h. Have framed pictures of a happy couple. Both people need to be looking the same way. Place another set of framed photos in the Love or South-West Sector of the home (Chapter 03).
Chapter 6 – Feng Shui love formula – peach blossom
People love the Feng Shui formula, especially when it is about getting love.
The peach blossom formula is for people looking for love. I have selected an interpretation that can be implemented easily.
Put a single, high-quality rose stem in a vase.
If you are looking for a male, put it on the left side of the bed.
If you are looking for a female, place it on the right side of the bed.
When the rose stem shows any signs of wilting, replace it immediately.
Chapter 7. Mindset determines outcome
Attitudes in dating vary from one extreme to the other:
Scarcity – “Where have all the single men gone? They are all either married or gay.”
This is probably an excuse to explain why the person is having difficulty getting dates.
Abundance – the range of choices available in the dating apps and websites.
People date in a more casual manner as the dating apps give the illusion of abundance. They do not appear to commit or take it seriously.
You need to steer yourself between these two extremes – scarcity and abundance.
Your guiding mantra is “Mindset determines outcome”.
You must determine exactly what you want. Your mindset will determine how you will get it.
There are also other physical suggestions I could make.
At meetings and get-togethers, make yourself available.
Many people arrive late for meetings. They sit in “hidden” places where they are not noticed. When they are alone, out comes the smartphone. Also, they leave their earpieces or headphones on. This all sends signals that they are too busy to be approached.
Instead, it is a good idea to arrive early and sit in a prominent location so that you will be noticed. Wear something eye-catching, such as something red that will get you noticed. Keep off your mobile phone and leave the earpieces out. Always have a smile ready. Look around the room to find out who else is around; there might be someone of interest. Ladies, don’t be too shy to approach a man. We are in the age of equality, aren’t we?
Hold a rose quartz heart in the palm of your hand and repeat the affirmations that you constructed earlier. Jump to Affirmations in Chapter 1.; It is important to do this first thing in the morning and last thing at night. This brings the focus of your desires to the front of your thoughts. Repeat the affirmations with the rose quartz hearts between 10 and 20 times a day. Holding the heart helps your subconscious to associate your aims with a new reality.
Chapter 8 – Putting it together
Some people might say, “This is a Feng Shui blog post from a Feng Shui consultant; why is he talking about personal development?”
In Chinese philosophy, the Trinity of Luck is the major determinant in a person’s life. Your life is a result of these three components:
- Heaven Luck
- Human Luck
- Earth Luck.
Heaven Luck is your destiny. Your destiny is determined by your time of birth; the first moment you inhale Qi (energy) in the air. This destiny can be analysed using Chinese methods (BaZi or 4 Pillars) or Western astrological techniques.
Human Luck: This is the contribution from the person. An individual could have an attitude of being a go-getter or a couch potato. This affects the person’s achievements. Many of us have great ideas, with aims to match. However, fears can hinder us from even getting started. We spend most our lives weaving around our fears, to the point where this obstructs our aims.
There are essentially two types of fears:
- Experience or the past – rejected when asked for a date
- Perceived threat – too scared to ask for a date.
Modern techniques are now available to help you conquer these fears so that you can get on with your aims and life plans.
Earth Luck: This is about your environment. Your life will be very different depending on whether you live in a hovel or a mansion. Feng Shui is a Chinese system of environmental management. It is a system of rules which help you to improve your environment or the space that you live and work in.
These three types of luck make an equal contribution to the life you have, each with one-third influence. Heaven Luck is fixed, as it is determined by the time of your birth. However, Human Luck and Earth Luck can be changed. They can be determined by you.
Together, Human Luck and Earth Luck are two-thirds of the Trinity of Luck. Using both types of luck, you can alter your destiny and change your life path. This has been used successfully by many people, freeing them from the constraints of their destiny.
This is a step-by-step guide to improving your love life, helping you to get dates and build a relationship.
It uses both the techniques of
- Personal development to focus the mindset; and
- Feng Shui to build up the love and fame energies in the home and particularly the bedroom.
To summarise the methods in this guide:
For the person
- Identify who you want
- Clear out any old and negative memories
- Get new and positive thoughts to become a new person with new actions.
For the home
- Clear the home of old and negative energies by clearing the clutter together with a space clearing procedure
- The love and fame energies of the home are activated by placing rose quartz crystals in the South-West and a light with red décor in the South
- The bedroom is tidied to accumulate the love energies
- The bed is your focus in the bedroom.
By working on your mindset, together with the right energies in your home, you can go and get what you most desire.
“Try to be unique and stand out from the millions of others.”
So that’s it for my guide to Dating using Feng Shui Love
I hope you enjoyed it.
Now I’d like to hear your take.
Please leave a comment below:
Acknowledgements: I would like to thank the following for the privilege of benefiting from their discussions on the various topics in this post:
Hayley Quinn London’s Top Dating Coach
Dr Kathrine Bejanyan Dating and Relationship Consultant in London
Elizabeth Thomas my Feng Shui Study Sister – a member of the Feng Shui Team, who is based in Los Angeles (USA).
My appreciation goes to Burst, who supplied the images.